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Sit down with me as we think through some tough topics in a reflective way and examine some of the difficult issues that can trouble followers of Christ. My hope is that you’ll always come away with more to think about… RBC Ministries
Unconditional Forgiveness
Posted by Mart De Haan
March 16th, 2008
Filed in Forgiveness, Relationships
8 Comments »
Is unconditional forgiveness toward those who have harmed us the best way to get the anger out of our stomach? Does forgiving those who have not had a change of heart reflect well on Christ, show his love, and enable us to forgive others as God has forgiven us? These are some of the questions I raised in an earlier post.
I appreciate so much the comments that have come in. They show that we are not all on the same page on what the Bible says about forgiveness.
So I hope you’ll stay with me over the next several days as we continue to think together about forgiving others, forgiving ourselves, and then even forgiving God (without implying that God could or would ever sin).
Let’s begin where we agree. Together we recognize that a bitter, vindictive, or vengeful spirit is not becoming to a follower of Christ.
The problem comes when trying to answer whether God unconditionally forgives us, and whether he in turn asks us to unconditionally forgive others. Here we have one of those studies in contrast that I mentioned in my last post. The Bible’s teaching on forgiveness is an example of truth in tension. Sometimes the New Testament seems to imply that we are to unconditionally forgive those who harm us (Matt 6:14-15; Luke 23:34). In other places, the Bible teaches us to hold accountable those who have wronged us (Matt 18:15-17; Luke 17:1-4). Let’s look at both sides later.
For now, because dealing with our woundedness is such a big part of our struggle, let’s ask some other questions. Are we sure that forgiving others is the only way to deal with our anger? Or is it possible that we can do a better job of dealing with our bitterness by using what we know about faith, and humility, and love, and patience, and hope in God?
With these questions in mind, let’s see if we can look at a familiar passage in a fresh light. The text I’m thinking of offers something other than forgiveness as a way of dealing with the harm others do to us. This passage encourages us to do our part, and then wait on the Lord to deal with our enemy. Paul’s words to the Romans parallels other texts that talk about loving, doing good, and praying for those who have wronged us.
In the 12th chapter of Romans, the Apostle Paul writes, “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:17-21).
Before we deal with some of the other issues we’ve raised, can you see that, according to this text, forgiving unrepentant people is not the only way to deal with our bitterness and anger? Can you also anticipate why I’ll be saying in the next post that learning to love well is more important than being willing to forgive–before it is the loving thing to do?
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I’ve found that in dealing with a person wherein I’m contemplating “unconditional and total forgiveness”, there’s alot of pain to endure in forgiving and not forgiving. In choosing not to forgive – I/we suffer from the constant anxiety from the angst that stays in our hearts. With forgiving then there’s the cultural and natural man made issues of “being too weak”, “caving into the preassure”, or “denying onself vengence” as viewed upon us by the society inwhich we live.
But as a born again Christian it’s obvious that I must be above mans impression of my behavior as carnal man has little to do with my relationship with God through Christ.
In the end I know it’s more important to be a example of Jesus on this earth by practicing unonditional forgiveness as he (Jesus) would have hisself!
Yes, I feel that maybe I need to learn to love well to deal with the unrelenting bitterness that seems to be creeping in my soul. Then maybe God’s forgiveness will just take over and heal me of this awful wave of harshness.
Does forgiveness mean I have to enter back into a bitter and abusive relationship (marriage) or can I forgive and still keep my distance?
cahoonga, one of my reasons for wanting to think through this series is that the wrong use of “forgiveness” is often used to keep persons in abusive relationships. If you can stay with us, see if you get some help on this as we move along. We also have a booklet called “God’s Protection of Women” in our “Discovery series.” This booklet deals with abuse and divorce, and might have some immediate answers for you. You might also check out something I wrote in the Been Thinking archive on October 1, 2007.
King David in Psalm 64 cries out to God when his enemy secretly and with bitter, evil intent sought to do David great harm. After David describes the evil plot against him, he talks about his confidence that God will take care of the matter in the end.
But then comes the most important part. David says, “The righteous man WILL be glad in the LORD, and WILL take refuge in Him.”
Here the righteous man is suffering greatly, but in the same breath is being “glad in the LORD”. Not only that, but the righteous man “will take refuge” in the LORD.
What’s so important about that? The righteous man is doing exactly what God wants him to do when he is being persecuted for no reason at all. He is being “glad in the LORD” and taking refuge in his Creator. That is an honor to God — just what God wants us to do when He allows something evil to happen to us. God is in control.
When we do that, it’s the same as remembering that God really is holy, perfect, loving, kind, and ever so good. That’s hard to remember when we’re hurting. But we know He will be good to us in the end, and so, we praise our Lord and are glad for His love for us.
Nehemiah 9:8 says, “Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
As we praise God, we are giving Him room to take care of everything. So God is our center of attention — not the evil person doing us harm.
When really bad things happen, Satan wants us to be filled with hatred and evil intents upon another person. If Satan can make us think only about ourselves and the revenge we can take, he has won over our hearts.
As God’s children, we need to keep remembering who our Savior is and the great depth of His love for us. If we think we have been treated evilly, think about how millions of people treat the Lord God Almighty evilly day after day, for no reason at all. Then think on how so-called “righteous” people treated Jesus as they crucified Him. It wasn’t fair.
Search the Bible to see how Jesus continues to love us and patiently work in our hearts the same love He showed on the cross. As we read the Gospel of John we can see how even Jesus was “glad in the LORD” and took refuge in the LORD, all while He was preparing to die for our sins. But, He went through it willingly for us.
And so we love our enemies and pray for them because Jesus did so for us when we were His enemies. Yet, in all our love, they are not forgiven until they see the light and repent.
God helps us. We let God help them through our love.
I seem to find myself hung up on the word ‘unconditional’. Unconditional, in the sense of forgiving without thought or care to our emotional makeup, or unconditional, in that we must forgive, because God said so. I know all too well the need to forgive. Having been sexually abused by a priest when I was a teenager, has raised several issues of trust with those who profess God’s love. After all, wasn’t it an agent of God who committed these acts on me, and is there a ‘lesson’ I must be needing to learn through the trauma? I vascillate between the need to formally press charges, sue the church, or if I need to ‘just let it go’.
And what does forgiveness look like from this circumstance?
I have a Daughter, Renee, who I can forgive unconditonally. I love her with agape love. People don’t understand Agape love. Now, My earthly Father will not forgive me. I have called him on every holiday, and he hangs up on me. It is really killing me inside. He hates me for doing drugs 5 years ago and he thinks I should have the death sentence.??? So why do I keep doing the same thing expecting different results? I want his forgiveness. So, I call him, and he hangs up. Well I finally have been able to forgive myself and I just have to press on. I know I have a Heavenly father who forgives me. He is Jehovah Jireh and he loves me. He pulled me out of the muck and mire and put me on his potter’s wheel to mold me, and shape me! I love God, HE IS THE GREAT I AM!!!!!!!
When you are focused on doing good to your “enemies”, it is very hard to be bitter toward them. When you pray for them, it is hard to hate them. I think that doing good to our enemies helps to open the door that makes forgiveness possible.
It helps us to forgive in the sense of keeping our own hearts free from bitterness and vengeful thoughts. It may also change the person and help them to become truly repentant so that you can then offer that next level of forgiveness to them.
There is definitely a “tension” in scripture that I see on this subject. That is why I see forgiveness as being two levels. One sets us free. The other, which is a result of their repentance, sets them free.