With maturity, prayer, and an enduring commitment to work hard on our relationship, we have both come to the realization that this marriage belongs to the two of us. As creations of our heavenly Father, we both have responsibilities to submit to each other and to God and to lead each other in areas where our gifts are obvious. Did God not bring us together to complete and strengthen each other? Separate we are individuals with various strengths and weaknesses. Together we complete each other. What a blessing! I can’t say enough how great a blessing this marriage has been. My prayer is that our son, now 27 years old, is equally blessed when he finds the one who will “complete him”.

Annamarie

First, BIG HUG to you. I can feel your pain, and I’m sure you are receiving prayer from many on this board even as I type.

Let me encourage you to not feel responsible for whether your husband goes to church or not. God has not abandoned you, and is not judging your marriage based on your husband’s church attendance. Many wives have seen this same situation, and the first, most constructive step seems to be to let God handle this. It could be that God is using this situation to work in his life, or is bringing about change in both of your lives. As long as you carry this burden, you will be miserable.

I personally would not go to a counsellor, but instead to seek the advice of Christian women that you have known to be wise, discrete and more experienced. Has your husband expressly forbidden you to attend a church? If so, find ways to meet with Christian women, not so much to pray for your husband to change, but to fill the need for fellowship. If he has not, consider finding a good church where you can worship God and refresh your spirit and build fellowship with Christian women. Reach out to God every morning, even if it’s just a quick, sincere “Lord, show me your path and fill me with your joy.”

Two things I would expressly not do: Do not speak disparagingly of your husband, and don’t compare him to other men at church. Your negative perception will cloud you from seeing God in your husband, and the men at church are often just as messed up as men outside of the church. A different man is not the path to peace.

Yes, I’ve felt trapped, but I have often realized the trap was of my own making. The solution was to let go of the trappings, and let God handle the big responsibilities that weighed me down. Again, BIG HUG. I will be keeping you in my prayers, and I’m sure many others will as well.

First, Mart, thanks for being willing to address such a relevant, powerful and challenging topic.

My first few years of marriage helped me to realize how I live by expectation. I came from a strong Christian family, had great examples of leadership from both parents, and thought that if I married a good Christian man, this would all just fall into place. How little I understood my own sin!

After many angry days, I finally caught a glimpse of the end game. My marriage was meant to be used by God to address both of our sins, and that God had equipped both of us with the gifts HE chose, not the gifts I expected. God knew where we both needed to grow, and gave the other the appropriate gifts to work toward that end.

I have learned that, just as submission to God requires me to still step up to the plate, submission to my husband requires me to step up to the plate. Just as submission to God means trusting his leadership, I am learning to trust my husband’s leadership and to follow my husband in faith, knowing God will not abandon me. I am also learning to be grateful for the gifts God has given my husband, and to relinquish my resentment that God has made my husband in his image, not the image I anticipated.

God has worked in ways I would never have anticipated. I’ve learned that my husband has gifts that are far more important to me than the ability to make more money than I do. When my heart is wrenched apart, he knows how to encourage me. When my path looks huge and looming, he helps me to think through my steps and let go of my fears. I fill my life with far too many expectations and obligations. My husbands helps me to simplify and rethink. I tend to see the earthly needs, while he sees the heart of God.

I loved the passage that was in today’s “My Daily Bread” – Hebrews 11:8-16. The passage discuss Abraham and Sarah’s understanding that they needed to “wait for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.”

The closing is so appropiate. “But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.” God is using my marriage to cause us to repent of our sinful nature and make us more like Him, thereby bringing us closer to that heavenly country.