Comments on: Why We Disagree About Forgiveness

By: Mart De Haan

Mart De Haan — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:04:55 +0000

WeForgive,
Thanks so much for joining the discussion and weighing these ideas with us.

By: WeForgive

WeForgive — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:02:46 +0000

I am happy to find this blog and engage in the discussion here. Mart, thank you for this resources. Before I started reading the comments, I had many preconceived ideas about Christian forgiveness. Now I see there is a great diversity of ideas regarding forgiveness, even among people who identify themselves as Christians. In my opinion all attempts at forgiveness are positive but forgiveness is not complete if the forgiver does not feel some relieve or healing. I think one of the previous comments regarding forgiveness being a win/win process in that both forgiver and the forgiven receive a gift of healing and freedom. Again, thank you for this resource and blessings to all who come here.

By: TJ

TJ — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 00:02:57 +0000

dx7, your question brings to mind Mt. 18:21-22 (NIV) = “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy seven times, (which according to footnotes means 70×7=490 times for the same offense).”
Though this scripture tells what we should do, I feel in most peoples lives including mine, we would be fortunate to forgive someone one time. Maybe even a second would be stretching it. But, 490 times would be impossible on our own.
I do remember reading somewhere that if Jesus brings you to it; he will bring you through it.

By: dx7

dx7 — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 01:36:58 +0000

Hi Mart, I’ve been thinking about this topic and am a little confused till. What is the extent to which we give and forgive? Sometimes I feel like people take advantage and treat me like a doormat.

By: dmsprice

dmsprice — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:10:44 +0000

desert rose … I think you reached out to your abuser to try to be able to forgive, which is more than many would do. Your abuser refused, so clearly didn’t want your forgiveness. Know that God is dealing with it. He’s now taken on your burden, and it’s not yours to shoulder anymore. (Easier said than done, I’m sure.)

By: kaliko88

kaliko88 — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:31:17 +0000

I agree with Mart. See, I don’t remember my abuser. I was so little, and it was so long ago. I will never get to confront them or see any chance at remorse or acknowledgement of doing wrong. But forgiveness isn’t just telling someone that you absolve them or that you are willing to admit they have made good changes and are a different person. It’s letting go of the hate and anger. I can forgive and hope that God has reached that person and changed their heart and mind, and let go of my own hurt, and trust that it is enough. Because until I do, I can’t be healed.

By: Mart De Haan

Mart De Haan — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:54:55 +0000

On a later post, desert rose asks, “If someone abused you horribly and you tried years later to go back with your pastor and spouse to speak to them but they did not allow you in, how can you get closure if the abuser is now dead? The verse that came to my mind, was “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” However, this abuser knew what he was doing.”

Seems to me that when there is no longer any opportunity to hold an offender accountable, the closure has to be, “to release such persons into the hands of God.” At that point our only option is to rely on the words, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord” (Romans 12:19).

My understanding is that such trust in God trumps (i.e. overrules and makes unnecessary) the need for forgiveness.

By: nitha

nitha — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 02:27:43 +0000

We disagree about forgiveness because we easily forget that forgiveness is a grace, a gift from God. Along the way we ask God to heal our wounded heart and to give forgiveness to someone we hurt. Simple and it is not easy to do. But by the grace of God we can forgive and be forgiven. Thanks

By: Gena

Gena — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 12:05:46 +0000

I’m a little dizzy after reading all the comments! :)

Keep it simple. Try not to over analyze. Forgive.

Don’t sweat the small things. Forgive. If it’s a really, really big “thing”…take a bubble bath.

Laugh often. Forgive.

Next time I make a mistake..I hope someone forgives and then lets go! I can’t breathe when being held in a choke hold. :)

By: rokdude5

rokdude5 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:47:08 +0000

Im still wondering if there is “selective” forgiveness on God’s part. He wont forgive someone blaspheming His Spirit but thats the only one that I know of. Maybe my thinking is off but Jesus died for ALL sins even those that hasnt been committed yet.

Our salvation is based on Jesus paying the price of ALL sins (thats the Gospel), Gods grace and our faith in His Son. John 3:16, Eph 2:8-9, Rom 10:9-10.
So if ALL sins are forgiven by God Himself, who am I not to? That doesnt mean I cant protect myself from someone who continuously hurting me.

I personally dont have a problem talking about these things face to face with anyone however, we all go the our church families and the last thing any of us wants to be is contentious. And I doubt any of us wants to be contentious but dang it, on this side of Pearly Gate we all do a lot of head scratchings trying to figure, not how we see it, but how God sees it but He gives us only part of the whole picture. We are given our own personalities and some minor different understandings His ways. It will all be so clear once we all reach the other side of Pearly Gates.