Loretta, you have not offended me…I will look into the resources and “help for my life”..I am always searching for anyway to get Spiritual help and affirmation of all the things I already know and understanding of things that are perplexing. Thank you.

Bob, I am so sad for your friend, Joyce…how sad to ever outlive your children and to lose 2 sons is unbearable.

I hope I don’t wear out my welcome by “whining” my way through this ordeal. I am hoping my help will come from those who will uplift and “bear my burden” for just a little while. Your prayers are more than welcomed… Thank you foreverblessed and daisymarygoldr for your comments, too. God bless you all.

God will certainly answer your whys and will heal your aching heart but healing is a process and it takes time. No, you may not ever forget the sadness of this untold loss. So, just allow yourself to be comforted by God’s and know this that He loves and cares for you regardless of how you are feeling right now.

During times of intense sorrow in my life, I simply yield myself to God. He is our Heavenly father and He knows our weaknesses and struggles. In my grief, I’ve always been inspired by the words of the Psalmist: “My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.” Psalm 119: 28. He will surely strengthen you.

Continue to believe God even though you do not understand the whys for now. May God comfort you with peace that passes all understanding. You and your family are in our daily prayers…

I wish I knew what to say and had some wonderful word to make everything better, but I haven’t.
You sound near to despair and I just want to give you such a big hug.
I hope you don’t mind but I want to share what you have said with my friend Joyce, in Southampton, who has lost two of her five boys since 2001. Brent had lukemea and Norman was the alcoholic who recieved the massive blow to the head in his own flat (appartment) and we don’t know what happened, and probably never will. She is 76 and still has two sons living at home. One is a drug addict who is under treatment.
She will know exactly how you feel and maybe able to give some help.
You take care.
May The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob Bless you and give you peace you desire so much.

Then Job replied to the LORD :
 2 “I know that you can do all things;
       no plan of yours can be thwarted.
 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’
       Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
       things too wonderful for me to know.
 4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;
       I will question you,
       and you shall answer me.’
 5 My ears had heard of you
       but now my eyes have seen you.
 6 Therefore I despise myself
       and repent in dust and ashes.”
Job 42:1-6

Well, the snow is on the ground here in West Michigan and one of the things I have to do today is to get the snow tires out of the attic and have them mounted on the truck. Have found that even a bunch of sandbags + rear wheel drive leaves the pickup unmatched for some of what is probably coming.

First though I’ll try to post another conversation starter in the next couple of hours.

I appreciate so much your care and concern for one another.

It might not be appropriate for me to say this about your situation, but I had a female friend who agonized over whether or not her mother was saved when she died…the best I could share was that since when we are not there at their death-only that person knows what transaction took place with God. Many cry out at the last moment and Jesus saves them-remember the two thieves on the cross. Your son’s cause of death seems to have an untrustworthy conclusion. If I may step into your shoes for a moment, I would choose to believe that my son had a last moment to cry out to God and did.

I have a son just turned 30 … is in and out of trials and similar to your son from what you’ve described. I ache over it too often because he will always be my little son – not the man he is -there is no experience comparable to being a loving mother…so I believe at the very least, our last moment before we leave this life, we can cry out to God-His arm is not too short to save and He desires that none should perish…

There’s been a lot of singing going on here too! If you’re not singing-sing! It’s so good!

I pray I haven’t offended you or upset you. I just wanted to share how much of God’s grace I found through RBC ministries for the heavy burdens.
Love, Loretta

My heart is heavy, and has been since last March. I have shared my story on other forum topics and several here have prayed for me and my family and your responses have been generous and compassionate. Since my son’s death by suicide/murder…we may never know, I struggle every single day with my faith–or should I say, the faith I thought I had. My faith is as it always has been but out of this horror it has been shaken and I hope re-established stronger than it was….one day. I find that I am constantly in a state of communion with God…mostly asking “why?” but also, asking to be led out of this turmoil…to give me “the peace that passes all understanding.” I am battered and bruised…I know why God did not ask Sara to sacrifice Isaac…I don’t think she could have…I don’t think Mary could have nailed her son to the cross…I know I could not have allowed my son to die under any circumstances. I am flesh…I am a mother…I am not able to identify with those who did supernatural heroics in Biblical stories….I am the Paul who struggles with my weakened flesh although I would rather be Abraham who defined faith and loyalty…I am Job who is so very sad, asking why must I suffer? And what about my son? He was in a terrible way if he indeed did this…what does that say about his faith…was it God’s will that my son die this horrible way?

The topic of this discussion is What We Can or Cannot Do…I know I cannot endure this test without God’s help. I cannot be anything above what this flesh allows without Him…and yet, He seems silent to me. I don’t pretend to know His will. I am totally reduced to a weeping, gutless human. But at the same time, I am told I will be stronger for having gone through this. That my character is being developed…that what seemingly is a cruel riddle (taken out of context) when in Romans 17:15 Paul struggles with sin..is really the true definition of who I am…a struggling sinner.

I wish I could be more like Ron whose wisdom is a true understanding of the Hebrew text and books I have never heard of before…that all the cross referencing and deep study would produce a better me…but in my “Just a Gentile” way of understanding, I am claiming Romans 10:9 & 13 NIV (9) “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord, ” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you will be saved.”
(13)”Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

For this much I know is true. God bless you all…I love this forum. And my prayers are for all those who have posted here their own trials…I pray for God to comfort you and bless you.

You won’t believe this but that is another song that Dad so loves…One Day at a Time. Your mom and my dad must have the same ear in music. She doesn’t like “bluegrass” too by chance does she??? :-))))