Comments on: Responding to Insult http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/ with Mart De Haan and Friends Mon, 06 Sep 2010 16:58:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Terri_tls2700 http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-15603 Terri_tls2700 Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:10:12 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-15603 Thank you poohpity. I'm facing a very strong test right now and I want to respond to it in the most biblical way I can. Thanks for your words. Thank you poohpity. I’m facing a very strong test right now and I want to respond to it in the most biblical way I can. Thanks for your words.

]]> By: gatormaw http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12940 gatormaw Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:12:24 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12940 Thank you pooh. I can't express to you how much your wisdom and concern mean to me. Thank you pooh. I can’t express to you how much your wisdom and concern mean to me.

]]> By: poohpity http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12930 poohpity Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:48:26 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12930 She is honoring her husband even though we may see the harm in your brothers wishes. He is hurting no matter how much he tries to hide from the pain it will find him. It will all work out even though we may not see how, it will. We all grieve in our own way because God made us all unique but the process is the same and it may happen now or ten years from now but it happens. Be patient and watch God do what He does best comfort those who are hurting. You are in my thoughts and prayers. She is honoring her husband even though we may see the harm in your brothers wishes. He is hurting no matter how much he tries to hide from the pain it will find him. It will all work out even though we may not see how, it will. We all grieve in our own way because God made us all unique but the process is the same and it may happen now or ten years from now but it happens. Be patient and watch God do what He does best comfort those who are hurting. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

]]> By: gatormaw http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12929 gatormaw Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:20:25 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12929 Yes pooh, she does, and I'm sure she is feeling sad for me today. She too was hopeful that there would be a reconciliation between her husband and his kids. After losing our sister last year, my sister in law stopped emailing me until I gave the phone number to my nephew. After we reconciled, I asked her why she had stopped writing me and she said that my brother feels that if he is not close to family, it will not hurt when they pass. I don't understand his way of thinking, but to each his own. I don't think it has helped him though because he is quite hurt by the passing of our brother, even though he has'nt spoken with him in years. I would like to stay in contact with her, but I know she will bend to the wishes of my brother, and would not respond to me. Yes pooh, she does, and I’m sure she is feeling sad for me today. She too was hopeful that there would be a reconciliation between her husband and his kids. After losing our sister last year, my sister in law stopped emailing me until I gave the phone number to my nephew. After we reconciled, I asked her why she had stopped writing me and she said that my brother feels that if he is not close to family, it will not hurt when they pass. I don’t understand his way of thinking, but to each his own. I don’t think it has helped him though because he is quite hurt by the passing of our brother, even though he has’nt spoken with him in years. I would like to stay in contact with her, but I know she will bend to the wishes of my brother, and would not respond to me.

]]> By: poohpity http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12926 poohpity Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:32:26 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12926 I'll bet she knows your heart. I’ll bet she knows your heart.

]]> By: gatormaw http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12924 gatormaw Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:23:54 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12924 Hi Stacy, and thanks for your concern. It was my brother who called me and started the conflict. Its quite a long story that I can't really get into here, but he has been "anti family" for a long time now, and pretty much keeps to himself. I haven't had much of a relationship with him over the years (his choice) but am friends with his wife. His son asked me for his phone number, which I provided, and my bro was extremely happy about that and appeared to be changing his attitude towards family. Then his daughter contacted me and expressed a desire for possible contact. I told my sister in law about it in an email and my brother read it and thus the ensuing phone call. He told me he did not want to talk to his kids and wanted no contact with me or my sister. He made it very clear that this is what he wants. My sister thinks he is jealous that I have a closer relationship to his kids than he does, and he is trying to hurt me because he is hurting. Well he succeeded in hurting me and I am feeling it today, but am prayerful for both he and myself. He doesn't want to hear from me, and yes he is irrational, so I am not going to call him. But I will prayer for him. I've dealt with this behavior from him for a number of years, and have always been the one trying to reconcile, but he is not receptive. I think he has some demons he has to deal with, and after his rantings last night, I feel it better to just let it be. His wife is totally obedient to him, so I guess I've lost her as well. Hi Stacy, and thanks for your concern. It was my brother who called me and started the conflict. Its quite a long story that I can’t really get into here, but he has been “anti family” for a long time now, and pretty much keeps to himself. I haven’t had much of a relationship with him over the years (his choice) but am friends with his wife. His son asked me for his phone number, which I provided, and my bro was extremely happy about that and appeared to be changing his attitude towards family. Then his daughter contacted me and expressed a desire for possible contact. I told my sister in law about it in an email and my brother read it and thus the ensuing phone call. He told me he did not want to talk to his kids and wanted no contact with me or my sister. He made it very clear that this is what he wants. My sister thinks he is jealous that I have a closer relationship to his kids than he does, and he is trying to hurt me because he is hurting. Well he succeeded in hurting me and I am feeling it today, but am prayerful for both he and myself. He doesn’t want to hear from me, and yes he is irrational, so I am not going to call him. But I will prayer for him. I’ve dealt with this behavior from him for a number of years, and have always been the one trying to reconcile, but he is not receptive. I think he has some demons he has to deal with, and after his rantings last night, I feel it better to just let it be. His wife is totally obedient to him, so I guess I’ve lost her as well.

]]> By: Lively http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12918 Lively Thu, 11 Feb 2010 12:28:04 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12918 Gator - I am so very sorry, it seems that when someone we love passes away it brings out the best and the worst of those around us. Please, forgive him - forgive yourself. Both of you are hurting; call him as soon as you can. Tell him you are sorry for your part. This might sound presumptuous, but whatever you do, don't defend your actions. The big, "I'm really sorry for yelling at you, BUT if *you* hadn't yelled first, then *I* wouldn't have yelled." It's the biggest problem I have, justifying my own (usually bad) actions. I'm going to sound a bit nosey here, but I feel like I should ask - why doesn't he want you in his life? And, if he (truly) doesn't why would he care if you were in contact with his kids? Did you call him or did he call you? His anger sounds totally irrational and converse to his action (of deserting his kids) Do you think it was possible that he was looking for reconciliation? And he just didn't know how? I'd also pray that the Lord give me an opportunity to make it right. I'll be thinking and praying for you, Stacy Gator –

I am so very sorry, it seems that when someone we love passes away it brings out the best and the worst of those around us. Please, forgive him – forgive yourself. Both of you are hurting; call him as soon as you can. Tell him you are sorry for your part. This might sound presumptuous, but whatever you do, don’t defend your actions. The big, “I’m really sorry for yelling at you, BUT if *you* hadn’t yelled first, then *I* wouldn’t have yelled.” It’s the biggest problem I have, justifying my own (usually bad) actions.

I’m going to sound a bit nosey here, but I feel like I should ask – why doesn’t he want you in his life? And, if he (truly) doesn’t why would he care if you were in contact with his kids? Did you call him or did he call you?

His anger sounds totally irrational and converse to his action (of deserting his kids) Do you think it was possible that he was looking for reconciliation? And he just didn’t know how?

I’d also pray that the Lord give me an opportunity to make it right.

I’ll be thinking and praying for you,

Stacy

]]> By: gatormaw http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12916 gatormaw Thu, 11 Feb 2010 06:07:54 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12916 Good evening all. Much earlier in the posts, I said that I never really had to deal with insults, and then tonite - wham! A family member decided to jump down my throat because I am growing closer to the children he abandoned. He doesn't want me in his life and chose to bring up "sins" of my past to throw in my face. I tried to listen and reason and behave like an adult, but when he chose to continue to scream at me and not let me speak, I decided to scream louder than him to make my point. It ended badly, with really hard feelings on my side, because I love this family member and especially after just losing my brother, do not want to lose another member of my family. Immediately after getting off of the phone with him, I apologized to God and thought "well, I guess I'd better get to confession after this!". Then I started thinking about Marts blog and wished I had reacted more like Jesus, turned the other cheek, listened to what my family member had to say and just dealt with it instead of becoming angry. I am really trying to absorb the lessons I am learning and live my life the way Jesus wants me to, but it sure is hard sometimes! I wonder if it was a test? If so, I sure failed! But, I think I will carry this with me and in the future it happens again in some manner, hopefully I will react in a more Christian like way and remember the lessons I've been learning. Thought I would share this and look forward to any help, suggestions, criticisms, etc. Thanks again to everyone for the prayers and well wishes. Good evening all. Much earlier in the posts, I said that I never really had to deal with insults, and then tonite – wham! A family member decided to jump down my throat because I am growing closer to the children he abandoned. He doesn’t want me in his life and chose to bring up “sins” of my past to throw in my face. I tried to listen and reason and behave like an adult, but when he chose to continue to scream at me and not let me speak, I decided to scream louder than him to make my point. It ended badly, with really hard feelings on my side, because I love this family member and especially after just losing my brother, do not want to lose another member of my family. Immediately after getting off of the phone with him, I apologized to God and thought “well, I guess I’d better get to confession after this!”. Then I started thinking about Marts blog and wished I had reacted more like Jesus, turned the other cheek, listened to what my family member had to say and just dealt with it instead of becoming angry. I am really trying to absorb the lessons I am learning and live my life the way Jesus wants me to, but it sure is hard sometimes! I wonder if it was a test? If so, I sure failed! But, I think I will carry this with me and in the future it happens again in some manner, hopefully I will react in a more Christian like way and remember the lessons I’ve been learning. Thought I would share this and look forward to any help, suggestions, criticisms, etc. Thanks again to everyone for the prayers and well wishes.

]]> By: poohpity http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12895 poohpity Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:21:49 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12895 Thank you for the encouragement ladies it is really appreciated and is always needed. Thank you for the encouragement ladies it is really appreciated and is always needed.

]]> By: Lively http://www.beenthinking.org/2010/02/08/responding-to-insult/#comment-12892 Lively Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:41:26 +0000 http://www.beenthinking.org/?p=8281#comment-12892 Sbrew – I was simply saying that that I could see how some would take offence to your statement. Personally, I didn’t. I didn’t say you were calling anyone here a right wing nut job – I was saying that your statement could have been perceived as such – from your later statements, it’s obvious that you did not mean it – but without knowing you, and without body language with tone and tenor – without the human aspects of conversation it could have easily been seen as a remark intended to flame. I suppose I was defending those you unintentionally upset. I was also pointing out that as Christians; we don’t have the right to judge those outside the Church - meaning that I don’t have the right to judge a non-Christian for disrespecting the Prez, or anyone else for that matter (referring to 1 Cor 5:12 as verse to back up that statement). And, then I went on to state that the people who post here are a great group of people and I’ve not found them to be judgmental. I don’t think Christianity is seen as a “clique” at least not in my neck of the woods. My church does everything it can to include everyone – saved and unsaved. You don’t build a garage for a car that’s running fine – though it still needs to come in for regular maintenance – you build the garage for the car that is broke and needs a whole lot of body or engine work… Anna – lol will it surprise you to learn that I use a similar technique? I ask myself, will it matter in 10 years? Yeah, I need to “man up” and dig the truck out, brave the blizzard and pick up eggs so I can make a cake (I forgot to get them yesterday!!) That’ll learn them folks who say we’re all making a bit todo about nutin’! Pooh – that’s rough. There’s nothing more frustrating than giving of yourself and for the “taker” to deem it not good enough. I pray you can forgive him for the hurtful remark and remember that it’s ok to take time for yourself, otherwise you’ll burn out. Sbrew – I was simply saying that that I could see how some would take offence to your statement. Personally, I didn’t. I didn’t say you were calling anyone here a right wing nut job – I was saying that your statement could have been perceived as such – from your later statements, it’s obvious that you did not mean it – but without knowing you, and without body language with tone and tenor – without the human aspects of conversation it could have easily been seen as a remark intended to flame. I suppose I was defending those you unintentionally upset.

I was also pointing out that as Christians; we don’t have the right to judge those outside the Church – meaning that I don’t have the right to judge a non-Christian for disrespecting the Prez, or anyone else for that matter (referring to 1 Cor 5:12 as verse to back up that statement). And, then I went on to state that the people who post here are a great group of people and I’ve not found them to be judgmental.

I don’t think Christianity is seen as a “clique” at least not in my neck of the woods. My church does everything it can to include everyone – saved and unsaved. You don’t build a garage for a car that’s running fine – though it still needs to come in for regular maintenance – you build the garage for the car that is broke and needs a whole lot of body or engine work…

Anna – lol will it surprise you to learn that I use a similar technique? I ask myself, will it matter in 10 years? Yeah, I need to “man up” and dig the truck out, brave the blizzard and pick up eggs so I can make a cake (I forgot to get them yesterday!!) That’ll learn them folks who say we’re all making a bit todo about nutin’!

Pooh – that’s rough. There’s nothing more frustrating than giving of yourself and for the “taker” to deem it not good enough. I pray you can forgive him for the hurtful remark and remember that it’s ok to take time for yourself, otherwise you’ll burn out.

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